Bereavement

This can be such an emotive subject that as individuals and as a society we find the thought of so uncomfortable. Bereavement can be defined as a state of sadness or shock due to the loss of a very meaningful and valued object or person. The main characteristic of bereavement is grief. Grief is the state of experiencing a range of emotions that usually comes in five stages. These stages can be in any order. There is the state of denial, where the individual thinks, “no, this cannot be true.” The other stage is characterised by anger, this comes with rage and resentment. There is the question of, “Why me?’. The other stage is bargaining. This involves the individual tries to make a deal with God or the universe with the effect of, “If I am good, could you please grant me…..” Bargaining is usually an attempt to postpone. For example, a patient with a terminal diagnosis hoping for more time to accomplish something or to attend an event. There is also the stage of depression, where the individual is overcome with feelings of sadness. This is when denial is no longer at play. This is in relation to loss. It is also a time when historic and future losses can be foremost in the person’s mind. After all this comes the final stage which is acceptance.

Bereavement is a normal expression of loss and is by no means pathological. It is common that people going through a bereavement fear that they are going mad due to the intensity of the emotions. Grief may not produce physical pain, but it comes with quite unpleasant feelings and can disturb functioning. Bereaved people are treated as though they are ill, by relatives and by society. They are not expected to go into work or carry out usual duties and relatives and friends take over some of their responsibilities. The key ingredient of grief is loss. So, our human response to loss is triggered in times of bereavement. Bereavement also comes with huge change. How someone copes with the change that the loss has brought about in their life will be determined by how they view the world and the way they view themselves. In our developmental years we internalise a model of how life should be and any changes to this assumptive world will have emotions attached to it. Losing a close family member will produce a void and a change in a family.

There are numerous studies that have shown that bereavement can contribute to both physical and metal ill health. The feelings of hopelessness and helplessness that can accompany a loss can contribute to physical illness. Research shows that these feelings can trigger an immune response in the body. The immune system is a complex system of chemical and physical functions that enables our natural resistance to infections, damaged cells and to cancer cells developing in the body. If the loss is too traumatic for the individual to process, they can go on to develop PTSD or unresolved grief.

It is important for an individual to take care of themselves while bereaved and possibly talk about the loss as much as possible, in order to process the feelings associated with the lost person/object. This gives one the chance of processing the difficult emotions instead of internalising them, leading to physical or mental illnesses.