Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand what another person is experiencing from that person’s frame of reference. This ability is also a vital component of successful relationships. It is important to note that it is from the other persons point of reference that makes it a meaningful and beneficial way of relating. It is not sufficient to view empathy from an intellectual perspective. It is not useful to ‘understand’ why a person feels a particular emotion but more importantly, that they  arefeeling it. Empathy encompasses accepting another person’s experiences from their point of reference, their lived experiences and world view.

How does one learn empathy? The development to empathise starts in infancy. Empathy comes about as a result of reflective functioning. This is where the caregiver gives meaning to an infant’s experiences, sharing and predicting his behaviour. For example, when an infant is in discomfort, the caregiver gives meaning to that experience by saying, ‘that really hurts, doesn’t it?’ This is what giving meaning to the infant’s experience means. It is also empathising. This is a way of relating that can become second nature to some people but so lacking in others. Reflective functioning enables people to understand each other in terms of mental states and to interact successfully with others.

There are a number of studies that support the relationship of attachment security, from early childhood, and reflective function. Secure attachment comes about as a result of the caregiver’s ability to understand the child’s mind: the caregiver’s accurate reading of a child’s mind, coupled with their ability to cope with/tolerate the child’s distress, leads to the development of a secure attachment. A secure attachment provides a relatively strong base for the ability to understand the mind of another, hence the ability to empathise.

On the other hand, a child who has not had a secure attachment will be avoidant of the mental state of others and his attention is focused on his own state of distress. In everyday life these are people who are experienced as self-centred. This way of relating, inevitably continues into adult relationships, unless of course, one becomes aware of it and makes the effort to change this. So often, the ways of childhood relating unconsciously or even consciously accompany us in to adulthood.

The ability to experience and show empathy comes from one’s ability to be concerned. Concern is an important feature in social life. It implies to the fact that the individual cares and can bear in mind the experiences of the other person. These are people who are usually experienced as being caring.

How does all this manifest in adulthood? It is by far easier to understand what another is feeling if one is aware of one’s own emotions. This allows one to be truly aware of and appreciate of the impact of the emotional state of the other. Being self-aware allows one human to be empathetic towards another.

The ability to be empathetic comes down to one being aware if the basic emotions, for example sadness, anger, happiness, fear etc, in one’s self. Being aware of how these emotions feel in one’s self allows a person to be able to imagine how they feel in the other. Demonstrating empathy can be verbal or non verbal.